(Based on yojimbos_law's guide)

PREP:
Paint government scientist; ceiling fan, class-specific stat thing
Pilsners, pet sweater

DAY 1:
Cheat stats, 1952, giant growth
Get and sell pork gems, 1952
Do hermit stuff
Summon smiths; get Hairpiece, A Light, class-specific weapon
Use 3 hollow
Get daily stuff using chateau MP if needed
Harvest garden; buy Ice Island Long Tea
Make meatcar, buy accordion (if not AT)
Cast ode; drink Ice Island + Lucky Lindy
Get barrel earring from barrel shrine
Reanimate the government scientist (pray for G-9 but don't expect one)
Configure shrub for YR
YR a factory worker/overseer (also setting reanimation timer)
Check WLF Bunker, see if it'll be worth pursuing a Volcoino for rhinestones
** SERVICE: wire coiling  %% 60 turns
Use reward (stats thing)
Cast ode; drink Sockdollager
Eat snow crab, Flan (pickled egg)
Cheerleader, +item, fight scientist anywhere
Be on the lookout for semirare!  (Get lunchbox or fortified wines when it hits.)
Fight garbage tourists (favor Puck Man)
Open island
Double-check chateau nightstand thing
Rest to level 8 or out of rests (burn MP on weapon damage / +item)
Non-free rests...?  (If you get a homeopathic mint tea, use it.)
Drink 4 pilsners + 1 fortified wine (or Knob coffee)
Eat fillers if more turns are needed (up to 5 full, 12 drunk).
** SERVICE: weapon damage  %% 54-58 turns?
Buff +item (incl. Whinskey)
Fight another scientist
Eat ?? if skipping sleeping dog (gooey lava globs? optimal dog?)
Eat weapon damage reward (weird gazelle steak = food 10)
** SERVICE: item/booze  %% 45-55 turns?
Buff +item again, prepare for next scientist (unless it showed up earlier)
Fight last scientist
YR hippy outfit
Clover hippy camp in outfit for equalizer fruit
Cook equalizer(s), sarcasm, tomato juice, ointment
Burn remaining rests
Cast simmer if available
Nightcap with item/booze reward (emergency margarita = booze 10)

DAY 2:
Get daily stuff, including clovers
Harvest garden
Summon 3 smiths; make 3 Louder Than Bomb
Get Headmaster's Victuals, Vicar's Tutu, second Smiths weapon if not AT or TT
Cheat forest + giant growth; save third cheat for later
Buff spell damage
** SERVICE: spell damage  %% 48-53 turns?
Buff +item, reanimate painted government scientist
YR a factory overseer/worker (whichever didn't get done yesterday)
Clover fruit baskets if needed
Try to pulverize for a STENCH or SLEAZE powder:
  - Anything with stench dmg, sleaze dmg, hot res, spooky res, stench res
  - If pulverizing the dread sack, clover and buy lots of fruits first!
Cook lotion of stench/sleaze (if possible)
Eat junkyard dog, sausage without a cause (food 10), ice harvest, snow crab
Get parrot, buff hot resist (Mayo Tank!  Bad Stuff!)
** SERVICE: hot resistance  %% 18-25 turns?
REMOVE THE HOT RESIST CRAP!
Use a Smithereen (pulverize Victuals if needed)
Buff +item, fight second scientist, pray for a G-9 (yeah, right)
Use all free rests (buff +mainstat, +ML, +weight)
Get barrel lid, wear it
Open guild (with Puck Man), open woods
Get 2 black pixels
Drink Bee's Knees, Irish Coffee (made from lukewarm tea)
Buff main stat (G-9 if it dropped), +ML (Dinsey face paint)
Power level, with Puck Man until power pill + 15 yellow pixels, then sombrero
Cheat XI - Strength
Cook & use equalizer
Buff HP/muscle (pixel star! puddingskin! barrel lid! power pill! philter!)
Use Giant Growth/LTB here *IF* you need it to get HP test < 20 turns
** SERVICE: HP test  %% 1 or 10-20 turns?
Use blood-drive sticker (spleen 10)
Buff +item, fight third scientist
Cook and use equalizer (unless muscle class)
Use G-9, barrel lid, philter, maybe tomato juice if reagent supply holds up
Get giant growth with LTB runaway (unless used for HP test)
Buff muscle
** SERVICE: muscle test  %% 8 or 25-30 turns?
Buff +item, fight last scientist (unless one showed up during power leveling)
Drink another Bee's Knees if needed, if saving the 10-booze
Cook & use equalizer if needed (not myst class)
Get giant growth with LTB
Buff myst (including muscle test reward = bag of grain, potion)
** SERVICE: myst test  %% 1 or 20-25 turns?
Remove negative moxie effects, if any (e.g. DB Mer-kin smartjuice)
Cook & use equalizer if needed (not moxie class)
Get liquid rhinestones if you have a Volcoino
Get giant growth with LTB
Buff moxie (including myst test reward = pocket maze, potion) (RHINESTONES!)
** SERVICE: moxie test  %% 1 or 20-25 turns?
Drink whatever (save the 10-booze if this isn't a speed run)
Buff weight (can use Hot Socks if meat/liver allow)
** SERVICE: familiar weight  %% 47-52 turns?
Buff +combat
Skip YR if Everything Still Looks Yellow:
(YR frat boy for deodorant (or pickpocket and YR a factory overseer))
Buff noncombat (shady shades, squeaky toy rose, deodorant, cleats)
Fill liver with whatever
** SERVICE: noncombat  %% 24 turns
** OR: nightcap, do NC test tomorrow