We're still getting questions from a lot of people who don't know the optimal way to complete the level 12 quest. The optimizer is nice, and helpful for people who are close to being able to do things optimally but missing a few critical skills or familiars, but it doesn't explain the basic steps required for each side quest.
This guide is intended to explain how you actually do the quest, optimally, side quests and all, so that we can stop giving poor advice to people in /hardcore. If you're not interested in speeding up your runs, this is not the page for you.
This guide also assumes you have a large skill set. If you don't, then once again, perhaps you could consult the optimizer instead.
This guide has not been updated for fax machine strategies, or the Valhalla revamp, or the tavern quest revamp, ....
Some preparation for the level 12 quest is helpful, and generally required (unless you're pulling 3 hockey sticks or something). You need to have enough total monster level to complete the arena flyering using only the zones that you were going to do anyway, thus minimizing the number of turns added to your run by flyering.
You're going to need to leave some zones unfinished when you hit level 12, in order to put rock band flyers on monsters while you do them. This means some power-leveling from level 11 to level 12, which would probably be necessary regardless.
The more +ML you have available to you (through skills like Ur-Kel's and equipment like stainless steel scarf, hockey stick, C.A.R.N.I.V.O.R.E. buttons, etc.), the fewer turns it will take you to do the flyering, and therefore, the fewer zones you will have to leave undone when you hit level 12.
At a minimum, you should leave the Pyramid (Upper/Middle Chamber plus Ed the Undying) for flyering. If you're not running much +ML you may also want to leave the Hole in the Sky -- although it will also depend on how many turns you need to spend there. (In softcore, you're probably going to skip the HitS or do only the star key; in hardcore, you're going to need to get the star key, star hat, and a star weapon, so you'll be there much longer.)
It may take you a few tries to figure out how exactly how many zones you need to leave, given your situation. There's no substitute for actual experience.
In addition, you might want a few semi-rares and other items in advance. A cyclops eyedrop (semi-rare from the Limerick Dungeon) will help you boost +items for the Orchard, and a Mick's inhaler (semi-rare from the Castle) will help boost +meat for the bandits. A scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil ("AFUE") and 3 thin black candles will let you summon your greed demon for more +meat.
Note: due to October 2010 changes, the Pyramid quest has been shortened somewhat. This doesn't directly affect the level 12 quest, but if you were counting on flyering there, you may wish to adjust your calculations for a shorter upper chamber.
You're going to fight as a Frat. If you're in hardcore, you can equip the filthy hippy outfit, and then adventure in the Frat House until the Frat Warrior outfit drops. If you have a He-Boulder with a major yellow ray ready to go, this should take one turn. Otherwise, sniff the drill sergeant if you can, because he has twice the drop rate of the pledge. Some people suggest boosting +combats and adventuring in the Hippy Camp (in hippy disguise) instead, hoping for the Orcish Frat Boy Spy. I don't know which one has the lower expected turn count. In any case, the He-Boulder beats both.
If you're in softcore, you might pull the Frat Warrior outfit pieces instead of using the He-Boulder. The He-Boulder requires you to have the filthy hippy outfit, which you might not have in softcore, although it's not inconceivable either.
Now equip the Frat Warrior outfit, and maximize your noncombats and look for the choice adventure that lets you start the war. If you're in softcore, you should use a fairy/pixie while doing this (not a hound dog!), to try for the War Hippy outfit as well, in preparation for a spooky putty trick that I'll explain in a little bit. (Some people even suggest poppering or creepy-grinning the cadet to maximize the chances of the War Hippy outfit dropping.)
You can also attempt to get the War Hippy outfit in hardcore for a modified version of the spooky putty trick. But doing that trick in hardcore requires some luck (beer lens from an exploded bartender), so it can't be done every run.
If you want to force both outfits as efficiently as possible, you can get the Frat Warrior outfit with a yellow ray at the end of your penultimate day, then the War Hippy outfit the next day (assuming you don't get a first-turn war start).
Don't use more than one casting of Smooth movements at a time while looking for the war-start adventure, because you don't want to be stuck with dozens of turns of it and have to waste an SGEEA on it.
Once the war is started, go immediately to the arena and get the rock band flyers. Now you're ready to start on the side quests.
In order to understand how you're using the flyers, you need to know a few tricks about the side quests. Some of these tricks are "common knowledge" among the speed community, and so people who are answering questions sometimes forget that not everyone understands them yet.
The first trick is, most of the side quests can be done without wearing an outfit. That is, you can actually fight the monsters in any clothing you like (except a war uniform), and then you just have to show up in your side's uniform to get credit for it. The exception to this rule is the nun/bandit side quest.
So, the basic strategy for the arena quest (flyers) is that you'll be pasting the flyers on monsters that are part of the other side quests, which you were going to do anyway -- therefore, the flyering doesn't add any turns to your run.
The junkyard is the most straightforward side quest, and you can do that one immediately. You can do it in the Frat Warrior outfit if you like, or you can equip civilian gear if it'll give you some benefits (higher DA, or +stats equipment). Flyer every gremlin, and get the tools by using the magnet when the gremlins use the tools during combat.
Some people suggest using a popper (or creepy grin) on the AMC gremlin, since it can never drop a molybdenum tool. Of course this will depend on how many poppers you have left. Don't forget to flyer it before you popper it (funksling them with the flyers in the top slot, or take two rounds if you aren't funky, or if you're grinning).
Sonofa Beach is a little trickier, especially since it changes so much between hardcore and softcore. If you're in hardcore, you have to make a tough choice before starting it -- you must decide whether you want to change the Haunted Ballroom song from noncombat to +item. This assumes you've set the Ballroom song to noncombats (which is the recommended strategy for the rest of the run up until this point). Going back to the Ballroom to change the song will add turns to your run, but may save turns at Sonofa Beach. Whether this is a net win or loss for your turn count isn't something easy to calculate.
If you're a moxie class, though, a few extra turns in the Ballroom may constitute additional power leveling that you were going to do anyway (yet another moxie class advantage, as if they needed any more). So it makes more sense to switch songs if you're moxie class, compared to the other 4 classes.
If you're going to switch songs, you probably want to continue using Smooth Movements (if nothing else, it lets you skip the curtain adventure and get another die-roll for the quartet). In that case, you might choose to do this part before the junkyard, using any leftover Smooth from starting the war. Then you can do the junkyard to burn off Smooth.
In any event, you want to maximize combats for Sonofa Beach; nothing else matters. This means hound dog (plus enough buffs to get it up to 30 lbs.), Musk, Carlweather, and possibly monster bait, reodorant, etc. Most people don't bother with monster bait any more, although hardcore players who got reodorant from the hippies (yellow ray guarantees one) are advised to use it here. You do not have to be in a war outfit.
In softcore, your objective is to get one lobsterfrogman and putty it. Then, switch to your +stats familiar, and use the putty a total of 4 times, so that you kill 5 lobsterfrogmen. Don't forget to flyer them! Also don't putty the 5th lobsterfrogman; you need to save that last putty use. When you have the 5 barrels of gunpowder, put on the Frat Warrior outfit, and talk to the guy twice to collect your reward.
In hardcore, you can't putty enough monsters, so you have to get at least four of them as combat adventures. Thus, +combats are far more critical to minimize the damage RNG swing can inflict on you. But the end is the same -- put the war outfit back on, and collect your reward.
Now, to confuse you even further, I need to mention the hardcore version of the spooky putty trick here. This is because you have a choice to make here. There are two different ways you might conceivably use a 4-d camera as a spooky putty substitute to save some turns. So, first you have to know how to get a 4-d camera in hardcore.
The 4-d camera requires a box, and a beer lens. You can get the box from the "Fun" house; if you use a clover there, you get three of them, in fact -- one for a chef, one for a bartender, and one for a camera (maybe). So, many people choose to do that, spending merely one turn in the "Fun" house per run. (Some people argue that this leaves you short of booze... that's a debate for a different web site.)
The beer lens has to come from an exploded bartender, or from the post-quest typical tavern. Now, nobody with any sense is going to go back to the tavern on purpose after the first beer lens adventure, so that means that if you want to attempt a spooky putty trick in hardcore, you should explode your bartender at the start of your last day, after you've mixed all the booze you'll actually need to drink. If you get a beer lens, then you can make the camera. If not, you can't.
One of the things you can do with your camera is copy one of the lobsterfrogmen at Sonofa Beach, so you only have to find four of them instead of five. Mitigating the RNG swing of this zone is certainly not a bad decision. The bad news is that you can't really know how many turns you save by doing so. Mathematically, if you've exhausted your reodorant and are running at +15% combats (musk, Carlweather, hound dog), you should expect to save 3 turns this way -- you spend one turn fighting the copied monster, instead of 4 turns finding and fighting one at a net rate of 25% combats. But the RNG is fickle.
The other thing you can do with your camera involves the bandits; we'll cover that in a little bit.
The Orchard side quest (filthworms) is a test of your +item buffing ability. If you're using semi-rares (cyclops eyedrops) and a 3-unicorn sticker weapon to boost +items for this quest, you're extremely likely to finish the quest in under 10 turns, so you want your leftover cyclops turns to go to good use. Thus, it's suggested that you combine the Orchard with the Upper Chamber, looking for ratchets with the leftover turns of cyclops so they don't get wasted. This means you want to sniff a tomb rat before you hit the Orchard.
So, the actual sequence will look something like this:
Do not forget to flyer every single monster you face, even ones that you're poppering or creepy-grinning or bandersnatch-running away from.
Use the tomb ratchets in the proper sequence to get through the Pyramid. In softcore, use 3 ratchets, then get the token, then use 4, then get the bomb, then use the last 3, and open the final chamber. In hardcore, since you've already turned the wheel once, it's 2, then 4, then 3.
Kill Ed the Undying (7 fights, and you can flyer him all 7 times) with your favorite stat familiar for maximum stat gains. Don't let him beat you up.
You still have the third filthworm gland at this point. Hold on to it for now.
If you have the War Hippy outfit, then you can also work on the bandits. Unlike most other side quests, the bandits have to be done in a war outfit. You get credit for the quest when you get 100000 (100k) meat. Whichever outfit you're wearing at that time (when you kill the last bandit) determines which side the quest counts for.
There is a trick here that lets you shave about 8 turns off your run -- you can fight the bandits in the hippy outfit, putty one of them, and then switch outfits and fight the putty bandit to finish the quest for the frats, before you even start on the battlefield. This means you're getting double credit for each hippy you kill on the battlefield, up until the point where you would normally have been able to do the bandit side quest.
If you're in hardcore, and the RNG likes you, you can make a 4-d camera to take the place of spooky putty for this trick. See above for notes on making a 4-d camera.
So, put on your War Hippy outfit if you have it, maximize your +meat buffs, and kill the bandits one at a time, keeping track of your total meat gains as you go along. Don't forget to flyer them too. Putty or photograph one of them.
| Hard/softcore | Softcore | Familiar weight |
|---|---|---|
| Mick's inhaler (200%) | origami pasties (30%) | sugar shield (10 lbs) |
| Greed demon (100%) | Bag o' Tricks (15%) | moveable feast buff (10 lbs) |
| 3 UPC stickers (75%) | ice skates (15%) | Leash (5 lbs) |
| buzzard feather (60%) | flaming eyeball (15%) | Empathy (5 lbs) |
| Polka pop (55%) | bottle-rocket crossbow (15%) | pet-buffing spray (5 lbs) |
| Polka of Plenty (50%) | pool table (5 lbs) | |
| red snowcone (50%) | Wormwood spiky collar (5 lbs) | |
| Winklered (40%) | green candy heart (3 lbs) | |
| dread sack Tea Party (40%) | bar whip (2 lbs) | |
| love song/cuteness (~40%) | ||
| Knob nasal spray (30%) | ||
| White Xanadian (30%) | ||
| Disco Nirvana (DB) (30%) | ||
| pink candy heart (20%) | ||
| blackberry potion (myst/AT) (20%) | ||
| cranberry potion (10%) | ||
| Ye Olde Navy Fleece (10%) | ||
| world's smallest violin (5%) | ||
| tip jar (5%) | ||
| fancy opera glasses (5%) | ||
| 7-ball (5%) | ||
| Tuesday's ruby (Sunday) (5%) |
Depending on how much +ML you've got, you may finish the flyering at some point during this process (and yes, you can put rock band flyers on monsters while you're dressed as a hippy -- the flyers are what count, not your clothes). If that happens, you can go back to the arena in the frat outfit, get credit for that side quest, and get the Winklered buff for more +meat.
When you're one bandit away from hitting 100k meat total, switch back to the Frat Warrior outfit, and use the putty monster bandit (or the shaking camera) to finish the side quest as a frat.
If you're in hardcore and don't have a 4-d camera, you can't save any turns this way, because you have no putty. You could still flyer some bandits in the hippy outfit if you need extra flyering, but this isn't strongly recommended, because it means you'd have to buff your +meat twice, and you will only have one of some of the things you're using for +meat.
You don't do this side zone as a frat. Ever. The turns you'd save on the battlefield are fewer than you spend doing the quest.
You don't do this either. You don't even think about doing this. If someone told you to do this, stop listening to that person's advice, because they're not helping you.
If you've somehow made it this far in the document and you aren't a speed runner, you should note that flyering Cyrus is far better than setting up and flyering the Guy Made of Bees. But both of them are suboptimal.
If you haven't finished flyering at this point (due to too little +ML), then finish off any additional zones that you reserved for flyering, or simply anything else that you forgot to do. In hardcore, the Hole in the Sky is often reserved for this purpose, and you can flyer there; if you forgot to do the pixels, you can flyer there as well. If you've done every mandatory zone and side quest and still haven't finished flyering, you can hit the Middle Chamber (highest available monster level at this part of the game), or the Hobopolis sewers (if your clan offers you that), or BRICKO monsters, or simply do some Spookyraven power leveling, and finish flyering. Don't forget that flyers still count even if you free-run-away from the monster.
You can also flyer while looking for any missing tower items, if your telescope says you need some. (This applies to hardcore mostly, since softcore players would probably just pull them.)
If you find yourself falling short of flyering targets in one run, then you may want to leave more mandatory zones for flyering on the next run. You may find that you'll have to change this over time as you get more +ML stuff/skills, and/or refine your strategies.
Some people suggest flyering a monster, CLEESHing it, flyering it again in amphibian form, and then using a navel ring runaway. Clearly this applies only to softcore, and only if you're incredibly close to finishing.
Once you've got credit for the arena, junkyard and beach (and bandits if you're doing the putty/camera trick), you can start on the battlefield. Remember that you'll have one mandatory noncombat at the start, so you can delay your buffing by one turn.
When you've killed 4 or 8 hippies (depending on whether you got the bandits), the Orchard opens up. As soon as that happens, use the last filthworm gland, boost +meat if you want to (you may even have leftover +meat from the bandits), kill the worm queen, and turn in her heart and get your 4k-to-5k meat.
If you didn't finish the bandits yet, then keep an eye out for the opening of that side quest as you continue killing hippies. As soon as the bandit side quest opens up, do that (see above for buffing tips). It should take you about 10-15 turns to finish the bandits with reasonable buffs, and they save more battlefield turns than that.
When you're past the bandits, keep an eye on your stats. You want to finish the war just as you hit level 13. If you're a bit short (which you generally will be on a non-stat-day), then do some 5/1 absinthe leveling during the war, unless you've got spare pulls for clovers after the war's over. Also remember you can use elemental wads from the war drops to raise your stats, if you have spleen left.
When the battlefield's clear, turn in your quarters for gauze garters (assuming you don't need any other combat items for the NS), use the sombrero or sandworm, and kill the war boss.