Rent-A-Cat: Slime Tube Mercenary For Hire

I will come to your clan and run through the slime tube for you, killing all the slimes fast enough to generate 2 caustic slime nodules. This page outlines how this service works, and what is expected from everyone.

You will provide the slime tube instance. This can be in your own clan, or in a third party's clan, if you choose to make arrangements with a third party for this run. Either way, the burden is yours to get the instance opened. I will not provide a slime tube, nor will I bargain with third party slime tube providers for you.

You will put in one big bundle of chamoix. This is mostly for you, during the squeezing, but I may need a couple of them.

You will arrange for up to 5 gall bladder squeezes. You and up to four friends must squeeze gall bladders in the slime tube instance before I can begin killing. (The more squeezes are done, the fewer turns the run will take, which reduces how much it costs me for extra canned airs or similar.) The person(s) who will be receiving the boss loot should be among the squeezers.

Ideally, the slime tube will have 5 turns played, all of them being squeezes, when I arrive. If you accidentally killed a few slimes (or a few of your friends) during the squeezing, that's OK. There's room for some mistakes.

You will whitelist me in the clan where the slime tube is, and make sure I have permission to enter the dungeon. I don't need any administrative privileges.

You will pay me the amount of meat we agreed upon.

I will enter the slime tube and kill all the slimes, including Mother Slime. This may take a few hours to complete. I will keep anything that drops in combat. The boss loot (which will be 2 nodules, 1 hardened slime gear, and 1 slimy organ) is yours to distribute.

There may or may not be 100 chamoix left in the bucket when I'm done. If there are, you may collect them back into a bundle. This is not guaranteed.

If for any reason I fail to live up to my end of the agreement, I will refund the meat you sent me, and an additional 250000 meat to cover the cost of the slime tube instance. (If someone jumps into the slime tube and plays 70 turns while I'm running, and screws up the run, it's not my fault -- you must keep everyone else out unless I give permission for someone to enter.)

Any questions?

How do you know you can trust me? I've been playing Kingdom of Loathing since 2005. I've been active in chat, and slightly less so on the public forums, for most of that time. I'm a member of Noblesse Oblige, a highly respected clan. I've met a few players in person at KoLumbus. Ultimately, you have to decide whether you can trust me, but I promise you I'm fully worthy of your trust.

How do you squeeze the gall bladders without killing any slimes? Maximize your noncombats (Sonata of Sneakiness, Smooth Movements, ring of conflict, chunk of rock salt or deodorant) and don't raise your monster level. Adventure in the slime tube at full health, and if you get a slime, you can do any of the following:

Use a divine champagne popper or tattered scrap to get away.
CLEESH the monster and then kill it. Note that if you do this long enough, the Coated in Slime effect will kill you. Use a chamois from the bucket before it can kill you, and be prepared to heal yourself several times.
Use free runaways from a navel ring or a frumious bandersnatch with Ode to Booze active. Note that these free runaways are limited to 3 per day (navel ring) or floor(weight/5) per day (bandersnatch) per account, so if you do this, you must count them carefully.

Can you do 5 squeezes with your main account and 4 of your multis? No. Absolutely not. The clan dungeon policies strictly prohibit one human being bringing more than one KoL account into a single dungeon instance. You need 1 actual person per squeeze.

How much room for error is there, exactly? I can't give exact figures, but if I make no mistakes during my killing, I need to spend about 300 turns in the tube if there were 5 squeezes. Counting the squeezes, that's about 305 turns, which means there's about 65 turns' worth of wiggle room. With one squeeze (two counting mine), it takes about 320 turns of slime-killing, which reduces the margin for error to about 45 turns.

If the turn count looks good, I may decide to generate a few extra chamoix to round them up to 100 by the end of the run, but that's something I'll decide on a case by case basis.

Can you jump into the run to tickle an uvula and slime-cover a rusty item? This will depend on how the turn count looks when I'm close to the end. If you want to get into the instance before the end, let me know in advance, and I'll stop at image 9 and check the count.